Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

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I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I have a reading level above third grade

Why do men like to have sex with a woman's ass?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

What is your young sex story?

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I have complete contempt for traitorism

The world of the Harry Potter series is usually considered bad worldbuilding. What are some examples of actually good worldbuilding in the books/movies?

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I don’t cotton to rapists

I understand how hurricane paths work

I have a "fat pussy" and I'm super self cautions about it. Do guys think it's gross?

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

What are some possible reasons for an unfaithful spouse to not confess their affair to their partner and instead end it without telling them?

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?

I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I can count

How do I come out as queer to my best friend in a funny and stupid way?

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I see through liars

Canadians went out of their way to help Americans stranded in Canada after 9.11.2001. Why did Canadians help so much the way they did? We read that Canadians don't particularly like Americans to begin with.

I can read

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

How do I overcome attachment issues?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

Are you already having anal sex?

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

What's your take on Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? How has it affected you?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I have complete contempt for fakery

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy bullshit

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I actually pay taxes

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet